The Journey Toward Graduation

It's very difficult for me to put words to a page as I sit here with tears streaming down my face. In a few short hours, my sweet, beautiful Kathryn will be waking across the stage of her high school auditorium and closing this chapter of her life. What a strange mix of emotions graduation is for the mama. My other mama friends, who walked this road ahead of me, warned me about how difficult this day would be. It's not that I didn't believe them, but like child birth, it's not really something you can fully understand until you live it for yourself. At the start of Kathryn's senior year, I had this overwhelming realization this was my last chance to be the mama. I needed to be sure I had taught her everything she needed to know. I realize I will always be the mama and will continue to teach her things, but in a few weeks she will be living on her own. My role as the mama will look very different. So I prayed and asked God to help me be sure Troy and I had done all we could to prepare her to enter the world on her own. Although I really meant, "make all my teaching opportunities happy and amazing," God had a different plan in mind! Kathryn had some crazy things happen to her this year, and most of the world doesn't even know about them. None of the things she experienced were earth-shattering, but most were things no 17 year old should have on their plate. While it was heartbreaking to watch her deal with some of the things thrown at her, it was also very beautiful. You see, that is how God answered my prayer. There were a few life experiences Kathryn needed to have before she left home. So God, in His infinite wisdom, provided her with some difficulty. But in His great love for her, He also surrounded her with the very best people to support her, love her, and give her wisdom. Kathryn has been blessed the past 17 years with amazing friends, and amazing adult role models. To the family, friends, church family, and teachers who have poured into her life, I say "thank you," because she wouldn't be where she is today without each of you. To Kathryn Grace I say, "Congratulations!" I couldn't be more proud of you. You have always been determined and courageous. It has been a joy to watch you grow. Continue to pursue your dreams with your whole heart. Whenever you find yourself in a difficult situation, search out the people God has placed in your path, and walk humbly with God by your side. As Grammy used to tell you, "Your Mama is your very best friend!" So as you stand on that stage today and deliver your valedictorian speech, know I am sitting in the audience (maybe crying a smidge) cheering for you. Treasure the moments as you walk across the stage to receive your diploma, for that walk symbolizes walking away from your past and into your future. God has great things in store for you, and you are ready. Fly high my sweet girl!

Sorry, Wrong Number!

Would you ever call someone who had just done something that got on your nerves and just rip them apart? Probably not. Chances are, if you found yourself in an irritating situation, you may vent to someone you are close to before you actually confront the person who aggravated you. A good friend of mine recently told a story about receiving a phone call from a lady she knew. When she answered the phone, she could hear yelling on the other end of the line. It took a few minutes to realize what was happening, but eventually she realized the lady had called her accidentally. The lady on the other end of the line was yelling and saying really ugly things about my friend, clearly not aware my friend was listening on the other end. YIKES! How awkward! I don't know if the lady realized what she'd done and hung up, or if they just got disconnected, but either way, the damage was done. I was very bothered by this story. I found myself "accidentally" judging the woman for her actions. How wrong of her to be saying those things at all, much less into a phone that was relaying all that ugliness to my friend. But then God reminded me how often I had done the very same thing. Maybe I didn't accidentally call the person on the phone, or maybe I did, but either way, I often vent about other people and say things about them I shouldn't say. I'm sure most people are in the same boat as me, but they doesn't make it right. No one is perfect, and heaven knows living on this Earth with aggravating people is certainly a challenge. Ephesians 4:29 says, "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen." So to my friend I say, "I am sorry her words hurt you. I am sorry she was tearing you down when your heart was in the right place and you were doing the right thing." To myself I say, "Stop judging others, and guard your words. If you are saying something about someone you wouldn't say to their face, then you shouldn't be saying it at all." Think how different this world could be if we all decided to stop bad mouthing one another.

Lessons from a Coconut

Recently my parents went to Florida, and they brought back some coconuts. While we were visiting them Sunday, we decided to crack one open. Mom had read/studied up on how to crack a coconut open, and she was convinced it would be no problem. All I can say is, however much you pay for coconut ANYTHING at the grocery store, it's totally worth it. Two hammers, an ax, and an hour later, we finally had the coconut open. If you know my dad at all, you can imagine the experience was quite entertaining for all of us. Here's what I learned: 1. The coconut you always see in the grocery store isn't even the real deal. The coconut that falls off the tree has a REALLY tough outer shell. It takes MAJOR tools to bust that sucker open. Once you get inside, the coconut like you see in the grocery store is secured in that outer shell by a bunch of tough, stringy, grassy looking stuff. Once you get the actual coconut out, you still have to break open it's shell to get to the coconut meat. Who knew???!!! 2. Sometimes,no matter how many YouTube videos you watch, you still cannot be fully prepared for life! 3. Real coconuts are not nearly as delicious as a Mounds candy bar!!! I think God is a lot like a coconut. As He thought about his people and their needs, He knew life was going to be really hard and we would need a lot of help. John 14:16-17 says, "And I will ask the Father, and he will give you another advocate to help you and be be with you forever-the Spirit of truth. The world cannot accept him, because it neither sees him nor knows him. But you know him, for he lives with you and will be in you." I am amazed by the way God created coconuts so they have three layers of protection. I am also amazed at how God can be three in one: Father, Spirit, Son. I am thankful that just because I don't know everything about the way my God operates, and I cannot always see him, I can trust him because He protects me and loves me. I bet God thinks I am a lot like a coconut too. I bet He looks down at me and says "She's a tough nut to crack!"

Spaghetti with Love

The story I'm about to share is one of heartbreak, hope, and miracles. It started with some spaghetti noodles and ended with a community coming together. And the path along the way was sprinkled with a whole lot of love.  I'm choosing not to name the characters in the story because it should be the actions of these heroes we remember, not their names. This is a story about how a true community knows no boundaries, and how kindness always wins.

Several weeks ago we started planning a spaghetti dinner for the Zwiers family. We got to know and love this family when Derek was stationed in Yorktown and they were living in Mathews. This sweet family didn't just live here, they were a part of us.  They embraced our community and our community embraced them.  So when we heard of Derek's accident, we joined together to help them as best we could from far away.

Planning a big event can bring about much uncertainty. What if no one comes?  What if there isn't enough food?  What if it tastes bad? What if the power goes out while we are cooking?  These are all very real questions that may run through your brain at a time like this, all of which are ridiculous things to ponder. Over 100 people came, which turned out to be the perfect number because we had enough food with barely any left over.

Many of the people who came knew and loved the Zwiers. But many, many people who came were total strangers. They had never met the Zwiers, but they came because they were touched by how much this family meant to this community. There was the man who came and brought over 20 family members with him.  It was his birthday, and he told his family all he wanted was for them to support these people he didn't even know. Why would he do this? And then there was the lady who lives in another state. She didn't know the Zwiers family at all, but her husband was in the Coast Guard and they were touched by Derek's story. She obviously couldn't attend the dinner, but she wanted to know how she could make a donation. Why would she send money to total strangers?  Why?  Because the sense of community runs deep and  love knows no bounds. People are good at heart and love always wins.

I'd love to be able to tell you how much money was raised but that is impossible because even though the event is over, the money is still pouring in.  God isn't finished with his miracles yet!  The food suppliers gave crazy good discounts. The people who came and ate left generous donations above and  beyond the cost of their meal. Many who couldn't come made donations the next day and offered apologies for not being able to make it. Think about what I'm saying!  In a world that seems to have gone crazy, we are surrounded by people who are not thinking of themselves, but how to help others.

Can you see yourself in this story?  Maybe you worked tirelessly boiling noodles, cooking sauce, and hauling heavy pots all over the place.  Perhaps you offered to make a cake. Maybe you helped set up or serve food. You might have even showed up to lend a helping hand just because!  Maybe you stayed to help clean up, even when you didn't know the family at all. Of all the heroes I've mentioned here, let's not forget about the most important ones. Those are the ones who are praying for Derek, his family, and his care givers. Our God is a mighty God, and He is in the business of miracles. Thank you all for being a part of this story. I am very proud to know you and call you friend.

From One Princess to Another

For the past six weeks, I feel like a black cloud is following me around.  Some of the things have been Facebook worthy, and some have been kept just among my family. None of the things have been tragic or earth shattering, but it's certainly been enough to get a sister down. For a while, I accidentally allowed the storm clouds to rain on me, but then some friends swept in, encouraged my heart, and set my feet back on a positive path.

One of the best pieces of advice I've ever received is to look for the blessing in every situation. This concept is great in theory, but when you're in the trenches, sometimes it's hard to see the silver lining. But that's why God blesses us with friends. When I am feeling discouraged He always places someone in my path to offer a kind word or deed at exactly the perfect moment. My true friends always remind me to refocus and to thank God for my many blessings. Shifting my thoughts from my troubles to my blessings gives me the courage and energy to move forward.

It's easy to get caught up in the negativity surrounding us. The world would have us believe our situations can be hopeless. But we must always remember we have a Father in heaven who loves us and is always looking out for our best interest, even when life feels hard. The bible tells us in 1 John 3:1, "See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!..."   So if you are feeling a little overwhelmed, remember you are a child of the King. This makes you a princes, so straighten your crown, put a smile on your face, and move on to brighter days ahead!

Making the Most of the Lasts

When the alarm clock sounds tomorrow, the Bray family begins a series of "lasts." Today is Senior Year Eve. Tomorrow my oldest baby girl wakes up to begin her "last" first day of  high school. I realize she will have other first days of school, but I won't be there to take the pictures. There is no need to panic though, because we've had the opportunity to practice 12 other first days of school. After tomorrow's first, she will be a professional and ready to tackle all the other first days on her own.

The pressure is intense. I have one more year to impart as much knowledge on her as I can, and then I must let her fly. A wise friend recently told me parents shouldn't be sad in this season of life. Instead we should rejoice because our children have been in training all their lives and are now ready to go practice all we have taught them.  This year, as we go through these series of "lasts" together, we will seize opportunities and celebrate adventures. We will make memories and capture them on film and in our hearts.

Jeremiah 29:11 says, " 'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.' " So I will rest in this promise as I cheer from the sidelines while Kathryn makes the most of senior year. I will treasure these "last" childhood memories and I will be excited to see what God has in store for her. But in the meantime, if you see me at a school or church event wiping tears, I am not sad. I am soaking in memories so hard they are falling out of my eyes.

Throw Out a Life Jacket and Hang On

This last month of motherhood has been extremely difficult for me. It has brought unexpected challenges for not only me, but also my entire family. In our "tell all" society, where WAY too much information is available at our finger tips, the Bray family elected not to share our struggles with the world. Most of our closest friends aren't even aware of what this last month held for us.

I don't write this post for sympathy or to try to make you guess or gossip about horrible things happening to us. Really the things we went through this last month aren't even difficult when you put everything in perspective. I do, however, write this blog so we can remind each other we are all fighting battles most of the world doesn't realize. Maybe the grumpy cashier hasn't slept for weeks because of something heavy on her mind. Maybe your co-worker got some bad news, but was asked not to share it with anyone else, which is a heavy burden to bear alone. Maybe your neighbor is in a tough spot and handling life the best he can.  How come when we know someone is having a hard time we are supportive and understanding, but when we aren't aware, we judge them and label them as being ugly or grumpy?

As I reflect on the events of the past month, many images run through my mind. Immediately my brain fills with negative thoughts about how I wish I had been the strong mom who didn't break down in tears or snap at my family or those I love. But then God reminds me of this verse from Isaiah 43:2, which says, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze."  What incredible comfort to know that even when I feel like I'm drowning or on fire I am not stuck in the situation. God promises me these hard situations will pass, and I will emerge on the other side and be just fine.

Maybe instead of remembering myself as a raving lunitic for the past month  I should try to think about the times I nailed the situation and handled things like a champ. Because there have been some championship moments! And as the black cloud lifts and dissipates, maybe I should think of myself as the mama who walked through fire and didn't get burned. That's a pretty cool trick, don't you think?

Next time I encounter someone who seems out of sorts, hopefully instead of talking bad about them, I will pause and remember they may be in a life situation where they feel like they are drowning. Let's throw each other life jackets as we walk through the waters of life together.